if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
