yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize