yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize