i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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