I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
