put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
