allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And then he peed in my hair
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