I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
