Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
