So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
