I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize