the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize