I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
