Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
