Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
