that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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