normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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