i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
