does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
