I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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