he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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