It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
