i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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