I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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