and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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