New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
