Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
