READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
