Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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