There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
