Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
