I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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