she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
