i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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