Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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