I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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