That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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