whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
