My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
