Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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