Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
