he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
