this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize