She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
