I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
