Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
