I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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