I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize