My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
