I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
