You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize