My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Alive.
So much puke
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
