I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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