omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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