If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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