If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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