Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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