all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
