I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm at about main and main street
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
