dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
